One week ago my best friend passed away in her sleep. Her death was totally unexpected. I know that this happens to people everyday. I don't assume that what I am going through is anything that other people haven't experienced. And yet I am still in shock and trying to come to terms with her passing.
It never dawned on me how much of my life revolved around our friendship. We didn't live in the same state and haven't for over 5 years. During that time, however, we became closer than ever via the telephone. At least 3 times a week we would call each other and talk for hours. So now it seems strange that the person that I shared everything with, is not there to talk to. So what do you do when your best friend dies?
The only thing I can think of doing is to start writing down everything that I can remember about her. Her life was so troubled. She was alienated from her family and yet now that she has passed away they have rushed in to claim her body and mourn. It is such a strange feeling. I think I am one of only about 3 people on this earth who knows the truth about her life, all that she endured from an abusive childhood to addictions in adulthood. Why do these people who never wanted to give her the time of day when she was alive all of a sudden want to pretend that they care that she died?
I am sure it may take me a long time to make sense of any of all of this. Maybe I never will. It really makes me wonder about what happens to us after we pass away. I want to believe that there is an afterlife, or reincarnation. I want to believe that all that happens on earth suddenly makes sense after death. But I am afraid I don't have knowledge or faith that allows me to believe in the here and beyond.
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